What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
