While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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