Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize