A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
