Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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