just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
