He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
