His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
