I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
