i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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