I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
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I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.