youre lurking in front of me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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