You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.