Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale