shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart