So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
