I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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