we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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