I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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