i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
