porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
