Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
