I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
