So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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