After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
