I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
