Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
