connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
