I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
