Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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