he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
