I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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