First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
