She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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