he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
