I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
His nipple licking is glorious
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
