Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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