i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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