I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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