Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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