He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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