if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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