i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
