dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
