Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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