The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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