We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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