the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
