Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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