ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize