If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
