Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
