but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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