I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
