Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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