I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize