I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
