Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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