pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my shit smells like andre
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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