so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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