I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
