So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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