he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
