I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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