I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
