That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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