No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
