Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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