I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
